Wish I knew…
I wish I knew why I was so sad all the time.
I wish I knew why you stopped loving me.
I wish I knew why you stopped calling & texting.
I wish I knew why were not close anymore.
I wish I knew what tomorrow brings.
I wish I knew what you were thinking.
I wish I knew what my future holds.
I wish I knew who would still be in my life.
I wish I knew you’d leave so I could have said goodbye.
I wish I knew my father better.
I wish I knew why everything went wrong.
I wish I knew why you say the things you do.
I wish I knew why I love you.
I wish I knew why you broke me.
I wish I knew who truly loved me.
I wish I knew that things would be where they were now.
I wish I knew who I was or who I am.
I wish I knew me…
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
This song just speaks to me. I get so down & all I have to do is listen to this song to lift up my spirits.
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I hate when you block memories outta of your mind because they were too painful or too dramatic for you to emotionally deal with; but there’s only one way for those memories to come back, through your dreams. I had a dream bout an hour ago that moms ex bf John came back to our house. I woke up outta bed & went to see if mom was okay cause I woke up suddenly with a bad feeling. I get to moms room and she’s not there. I check front door & that’s where I see my mom beat up, blood everywhere, laying in her car. John was laying in his car they were both asleep. This brought up the one night John choked mom and beat her in front of me and he grabbed my arm & slapped me across the face hard. Back to the dream, my mom starts to climb outta car, but suddenly John is up again. He grabs mom by the hair and says where do you think you’re going bitch. (his voice forever haunts my mind) He began to beat her more & more until finally she gave her last breath. Mom was gone & I didn’t know what he’d do to me. So I ran down the street and called 911…my phone wasn’t working or they didn’t answer, but he caught up to me, grabbed my arm and punched me; as soon as he did I woke up screaming & hysterically crying. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to escape this monster & the memories he gave me forever. Will I ever escape this monster or will he ever leave my dreams ? One thing I’m scared more than ever is John coming back to our new place & finishing the job he promised he’d do last Christmas to shoot me and mom dead…. I’m scared mom could ever go back to him…I’m just scared :,(
She may be the queen of hearts
But Imma be the queen of your body parts
No one can do ya
The way that I do
Boy I wa-a-ant
(Youuuuuu)
I love it, I love it
I love it when you eat it ♥
December 4, 2011
Today I woke up not wanting to be alive.
Today I woke up not wanting to turn on the lights.
Today I woke up feeling alone.
Today I woke up & you weren’t there.
Today I woke up & wished I was somewhere else.
Today I woke up wishing I was someone else.
Today I woke up wondering who would care.
Today I woke up & felt sad.
Today I woke up missing you.
Today I woke up & the pain was still there.
Today I woke up & the tears were still there.
Today I woke up & realized I’m not happy.
Today I woke up not wanting to face the world.
Today I woke up hating who I’ve become.
Today I woke up & noone cared.
Today I woke up wanting more.
Today I woke up & the memories came.
Today I woke up & reality set in.
Today I woke up & wished for a different family.
Today I woke up…..
